A Valentine’s Day Message
My chef friend tells us how to cook with your kids for fun (and free labor).
I have a confession to make.
I have felt like the ultimate hypocrite.
How can I teach others how to cook like a chef if I can’t even teach my own kids?!
All through their younger years, I didn’t want to drag Jonah and Lily into the kitchen to help me and make them think it was a chore. I wanted them to naturally want to cook. Fat chance if there’s an iPad or Switch fighting for the attention. But I won’t beat myself up too much for not encouraging them more until now—at least for Lily who shows more interest and just turned nine. I was about nine or 10 when I started helping my mom more in the kitchen starting at around 4 or 4:30 p.m., which is when would start testing recipes that we would then promptly eat at 6:30 p.m. for dinner. I’m sure she appreciated the free labor.
Still, I think I overcorrected a little. Actually, a lot. I didn’t even realize I wasn’t inviting them enough. And then starting to record videos was probably even more alienating. Not to mention we have a pretty tiny kitchen.
I also wondered why Lily was getting frustrated in the kitchen and would give up after trying to chop one thing when she did come in the kitchen. I kind of thought she didn’t want to be around me telling her what to do. But there was a bigger problem.
Her knife wasn’t sharp enough.
It was one of those plastic toddler-friendly ones like this with the serrated edges and everything wobbled everywhere she was trying to use it. She couldn’t cut anything fast enough or well enough and was probably afraid of having the knife slip and cut her. These are fine when the kids are really little but they can be annoying for older kids.
A chef friend recommended getting this Zwilling Twinny kid’s chef knife with the knife guard so I bought it! Lily was so excited to use it and came back to the kitchen. She chopped that mushroom and that onion like it was her job. She didn’t even want to use the knife guard. And she was so happy about it she wanted to help cook the stuff at the stove right after.
That was just Lily’s experience. But I have a feeling adults feel that way a lot, too.
So the question is—are your knives sharp enough?
I’m going to get more into the knife talk next week since I just had this realization late this week when I already had the cooking with kids topic planned for Valentine’s Day. But it’s an important discussion so stay tuned!
Back to the cooking with kids topic. When I was little like Lily, I was reluctant to help in the kitchen, not understanding how someone could care about food so much (um, I’ve become my mother). But slowly, I hung out there more with my mom, even just standing next to her, watching what she was doing and grabbing her a spoon or measuring cup when she asked for it. The tasks were so small, but my mom always liked to say “I learned cooking through osmosis.” What she meant was I didn’t always have to learn by doing everything—that came a little later—I learned simply by being around and watching someone else doing it. In culinary school, that’s exactly how you’re taught—by watching the chef-instructor demo techniques and dishes so much so that your brain just starts to remember for you when you practice over and over again.
My friend Chef Michael Ponzio knows this. As executive chef of the Park Ridge Country Club (Park Ridge, Illinois), he can’t always be home to cook with his family before dinner, but he’s able to do so at least a couple days a week and on the other day, his mother-in-law cooks dinner with the kids.
Chef Michael is really passionate about cooking with his—count ‘em—four kids (ages 5, 8, 10 and 11). “My father’s rule growing up was ‘I don’t care where you are, what you’re doing — at five o’clock, you’re at the dinner table,’” he says. “It’s the one hour we have together where there are no screens, no phones—just real conversation.” I strongly agree. We also don’t allow phones at the table and always turn off the TV and turn on music instead.
“When my mother-in-law makes dinner, she makes a game of it—every week, the meal starts with a different letter of the alphabet,” Chef Michael says. “It’s a great way to get the kids excited and try different things—Greek food, Italian, Cuban—and they can try new flavors they’ve never had before.”
Like I found out with Lily, Chef Michael thinks kids should learn how to cook with regular knives, but he makes the process safer by having them use steel mesh gloves like these (I bought them right after he told me about them).
“They’re comfortable with knives now because of the gloves—they make them more comfortable and make me more comfortable,” he says. “I keep them sharp, but not ninja sharp. Sharp enough that they don’t have to apply too much pressure but not sharp enough to cut through the gloves.”
Even just setting and clearing the table is helpful—and a great way to show the importance of eating together as a family. This is something we do at the very least, even if the kids don’t always help with the cooking part. And I always have someone—Harvey, Jonah or Lily ready at “the pass” to serve everyone their plate because timing four plates to go out at once it part of the battle. You need help.
When it comes to helping more in the kitchen, Chef Michael has some advice as to what’s appropriate at what ages.
Between the age of 2 and 5, kids can just be in the kitchen or around you or see what you’re doing, maybe noshing on snacks while doing so. They can learn “through osmosis,” like my mom liked to say.
“Peeling carrots, washing lettuce, even just setting the table— those are all big things,” Chef Michael says. “And make a big deal out of it. Celebrate how great the table looks so they feel like they’re contributing to the meal.”
By the time they get to school age, the kids can use knives with the mesh gloves or guards. “My eight-year-old puts pasta in the pasta maker, cuts vegetables, helps with breakfast, works the toaster,” Chef Michael says. “He likes barbecue, so he seasons the meat. I’ll let him do one rack of ribs completely himself. Then I’ll him how great they are so he feels accomplished.”
Chef Michael says he lets his kids stir some stuff at the stove—using a very sturdy stool—but still but he’s doesn’t have anyone take anything out of the oven. “There’s too much going on and too much risk of dropping things or burning,” he says. After all, he does have a lot of little cooks in the kitchen, literally.
Helping in the kitchen can also help with picky eaters—if you’ve had a hand in making something, you’re more likely to try it, even if they don’t eat it all. “I always have my kids try something,” Chef Michael says. “The more you try, the more chance of success you have. I used to hide vegetables in mac n cheese and meatballs, but now I leave cook them as is and talk about why broccoli is good for us and protein builds muscles and how food is like fuel for our engines.”
Knowing how to cook, Chef Michael says, is a skill he believes his kids “should 100% have” and it’s never too early to start. “I don’t want any of them being chefs,” he jokes. “It’s a miserable life. You give up holidays, weekends — but cooking is still a skill they should have, and it’s a skill that’s being lost right now.”
It’s Valentine’s Day! If you’re staying in, here are some recipes for an elegant meal with loved ones and/or friends.
My mom’s ridiculously rich but awesome brownies. Even better a la mode. This is a great recipe to make with your kids!
Last week I did a Cook Once, Eat Twice theme because you know how much I hate meal prepping all day on a Sunday. This week I finally caved and bought a Costco membership because groceries are getting so expensive and I wanted to get more bang for our buck. So, I did a Buy Once, Eat Twice them these week! I included recipes for when you buy extra chicken thighs, frozen shrimp and ground beef or chicken/turkey. Upgrade below to start receiving these emails every Sunday morning! A friend of mine said, so for $1 a week you can get an entire week’s meal plan with recipes and a shopping list? Sold! That was nice, and true actually!
cool! They're pretty fun. Maybe we can do a little cook-out over the long weekend!
This is great! Just bought the knives and gloves for Lila!